The Surprisingly Decent “Battleship”

As previously documented, we love Friday Night Lights and Taylor Kitsch… enough to even see John Carter for him. Since Battleship was not only directed by FNL’s creator Peter Berg, but also co-starring Jesse Plemons a.k.a. Landry, we were immediately there. Alexander Skarsgard’s presence certainly wasn’t a deterrent, either.

What some haters kept saying every time we talked about Battleship: “That looks like a Transformers knockoff. Also, isn’t Rihanna in that? Why are you going to see a movie that Rihanna’s in?”

Well, haters to the left, because Battleship was actually surprisingly decent. Obvi there were some questionable points, but overall we really liked this movie!

Good parts:
-Rihanna. No, we’re not kidding. Weird outfit during the soccer game aside, she was surprisingly believable as a naval officer and kept it together throughout the movie. Also her chemistry with Landry was hilarious and awesome.
-Taylor Kitsch and Alexander Skarsgard as brothers. We would watch these two as brothers as many times as you wanted us to. It was so amazingly excellent. Skarsgard is like a foot taller than Taylor (not short himself) and their dynamic was just perfect. We completely believed them as brothers!
-FNL characters in Battleship. Basically Taylor Kitsch and Jesse Plemons got to keep on just playing Riggs and Landy, albeit with far more responsibility than either of them had on TV. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
-The entire first 15 minutes or so of totally-messed-up Taylor Kitsch. It was basically still Tim Riggins so obvi we loved it, but it was also an absolutely hilarious introduction to the main characters.

Questionable:
-Brooklyn Decker. Sorry, we just weren’t invested in the love story thing. Her entire storyline could have been erased, and really all we would have lost was one excellent exchange between Liam Neeson (playing her father) and Taylor Kitsch at the end.
-Those aliens. We didn’t really get how the ship survived even the first ten minutes of contact. The aliens seemed to ignore them at really convenient times. Like, if you were an alien who had managed to blow up everything else before, would you just kind of stop and get distracted with something else, leaving a ship alive? Probably not, because you are BLOWING UP EVERYTHING METAL. Come on.
-That force field thing around Hawaii. What? How did that even work?
-Alien ethics. Guys, are we really going to assume that when we first make contact with other forms of sentient life it’s just going to be all-out war? Do we not have more optimism than this? No efforts to communicate, even?

While this movie definitely could have cut 20 minutes of things blowing up without us being too upset over it (and still keeping like 40 minutes of things blowing up), overall Battleship exceeded our expectations and proved that Taylor Kitsch is capable of putting over some questionable dialogue… just not an entire movie of it. Sorry, John Carter, but Battleship wins.

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John Carter: A Severe Lack of Coherence… and Woola

So, as we mentioned before, we love Taylor Kitsch from “Friday Night Lights”. We also love Dominic West from “The Wire”. And since they were both in the we-hoped-this-was-going-to-be-a-blockbuster-but-it-failed-epically movie John Carter, we were pretty much morally obligated to see it.

Guys. We saw it. But we don’t recommend that you do. This movie had such potential to be good and then… it just wasn’t. For every good CGI moment there was a piece of bad dialogue or an awkward scene. And for every good actor that somehow ended up in this movie, there were like 12 green aliens running around with horns. What went wrong with this movie exactly? So many things. But we’re trying to keep the list short for you.

Things that went wrong:

• We had to pay $14 to see this movie in 3D. FOURTEEN DOLLARS PEOPLE.
• Taylor Kitsch’s beard for the first 20 minutes of the movie. We barely recognized him.
• The dialogue was so weird. And uncomfortable. We laughed (or cringed) at seriously every other word.
• John Carter jumping. Um… cool we guess? We were mystified that people were so universally impressed by this skill. Also why could no one else do this? It seemed like it would be more due to different gravity than to anything that John Carter was actually able to do on his own…
• This movie was over 2 hours long. And it felt like it was even longer.
• Why so many green people? And why are they so mean to each other?
• Since we were so bored with what was happening on the screen, we started pondering questions of how Barsoom (it’s Mars’s secret name, guys, obvs) worked. Like, how were all of these creatures–including John Carter–surviving without any visible source of water? Why were there so many different sentient species, and why were they not fighting amongst each other?
• So many plot holes. There were many points in the movie where at least one of us genuinely had no idea what was even going on. And we were very shaky on characters’ names in general.
• Basically we didn’t care about any of the characters, sort of including John Carter. While we love Taylor Kitsch, and he did the best he could with the material, the only characters we were actually invested in were CGI: Woola and Zola. This is not a good thing. We should have cared about the people in it, but we kept forgetting the name of the chick he was falling in love with.
• The ending. It was seriously ridiculous. We thought (hoped) that it was finally over, and then it just kept on going. For seriously at least 20 minutes longer than it needed to.
• Why was Woola not the main character? Seriously, one of the main problems of John Carter was an insufficient amount of Woola. LOOK AT HIM! Who wouldn’t want a pet Woola??

In sum, this movie is not worth your fourteen dollars (we’re still bitter). Rent it when it comes out maybe – you and your friends can talk through the whole thing and laugh at all the bad parts. You can take comfort in the fact that you only paid $1 for it at a Redbox. Beyond that, we don’t particularly recommend it.

Related articles

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Chronicle: Unexpectedly Thought-Provoking

So, as usual, we chose to see this movie based purely on who was in the cast. And since two of our favorite things are The Wire and Friday Night Lights, we pretty much HAD to see this movie. Why, you ask? What do these two shows have in common? (Besides their AWESOMENESS.) Michael B. Jordan, that’s what.

Michael played Wallace on The Wire and Vince (who narrowly avoided our top 5 favorite characters list) on Friday Night Lights. He’s in Chronicle and since we desperately want him to have a successful career, we had to go see it. You may have noticed we get a little overly invested in the lives of actors we like.

Now to the actual movie. It was pretty good, definitely more thought-provoking than you would expect from the trailer. The story revolves around three boys who are seniors in high school and who gain superpowers (largely telekinesis). As the movie progresses, they have to learn how to manage these powers and the changes they bring to their lives. The story is told through one of the boys’ video cameras – so we don’t get to see everything.

First of all, we were a little concerned about the “found footage” aspect of the movie before going into it. That’s the premise of the title–a chronicle of their journey with superpowers is being constructed from the film that the boys took themselves, as well as film shot by their friends and other observers. Unlike Cloverfield or The Blair Witch Project, though, these boys were permitted to have steady camera hands that prevented us from feeling nauseous throughout the entire movie.

The thing about Chronicle was that while you’d expect it to be mostly high school boys using superpowers to perform pranks–which did happen–it actually served as a commentary on how one chooses to use powers, and how those choices affect those around us. This is an especially sobering thought when the people making those choices are eighteen-year-old boys and have exacerbating circumstances that don’t allow them to make these choices in a vacuum. Even when looking at the poor choices, it was hard to say that we wouldn’t make the same choices in the same situation.

Additionally, it was thought provoking in a way that we honestly did not expect. It addressed issues like domestic abuse, terminal illness, and bullying in a seriously heart wrenching way. And even more than that, all the characters were seriously well-developed. There was a bad guy – but he wasn’t really the bad guy. We understood all of his choices, and while we did not condone them, we understood why he was making them.

Before we conclude, really briefly – it just has to be said that the special effects overall were pretty good. Not mind blowing, but pretty good. With the exception of the part where one of the characters was in “Tibet.” A.k.a. in front of a green screen with a kind of tacky desk-top looking picture and some “Tibetan monks” chanting in the background… Embarrassing.

But overall, Chronicle is definitely one of the best movies we’ve seen this spring, and was an unexpectedly original approach to the idea of gaining superpowers. For us (and for Michael B. Jordan), you should give it a shot.

Related articles

• Chronicle Review: The Best “Real World” Superhero Movie Ever? (infinite-ammo.net)
• Chronicle (ohheyleann.wordpress.com)

Taylor Kitsch: The [Terrible] Things We Are Seeing For You This Year

For some reason, Taylor Kitsch has taken all of the goodwill that he earned from being on Friday Night Lights and being ridiculously gorgeous and has decided to spend 2012 starring in action movies about aliens. Is this going to stop us from seeing them? Probably not. We are maybe slightly over invested in the FNL cast doing well, and Taylor Kitsch is no exception.

 

1. John Carter (March 9, 2012)

Ok so for starters there is the whole premise of the movie. According to IMDB.com, the movie goes a little like this: “Transplanted to Mars, a Civil War vet discovers a lush planet inhabited by 12-foot tall barbarians.” Yes. Indeed. You read that correctly. A Civil War Veteran goes to Mars. Why has no one made this movie before?!!! Oh wait… Probably because it sounds ridiculous.

Then there is the fact that in the trailer he is the only not-CGI characters for like the first 40 seconds. People (who are not green) eventually show up in the trailer about a minute into it, and we learn that there is a princess (who needs rescuing) and some kind of a battle involving other aliens and other people. This is the part where we ask what are Mark Strong (Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy) and Dominic West (“The Wire”) doing in this movie? What is anybody doing in this movie?
The trailer is so ridiculous that it is almost difficult to sit through. But are we still going to see it? Yes. Are we looking forward to it? Not really.. YOU’RE WELCOME TAYLOR KITSCH.

 

2. Battleship (May 18, 2012)

So it starts off with Taylor Kitsch on the beach, wanting to marry a girl? And then he is the best officer that the Navy has ever had… but he’s wasted himself for some reason? Not sure how, but evidently he has to cut his hair for it, which is kind of weird. It’s definitely a new look. And wants to marry his boss’s daughter, so his boss sends him places because he doesn’t like him?

Landry (also from FNL, actor’s name is actually Jesse Plemons)  finds unknown contact, so Taylor has to go investigate. And he’s blown out of the ship into the water by some mysterious force in the water (or electricity? Unclear) that is creating a huge bubble in the ocean.

Then a Transformer pops out of the sea and we get very confused about what’s happening. Also apparently Alexander Skarsgard is in this?

Finally, we get this gem of a conversation:
“Prepare to fire.”
“Sir, which weapons?”
“All of them.” So they do.

We would really like to like this movie. It’s being directed by Peter Berg, who created FNL. Landry and Tim Riggins are both in it. However… it’s Battleship. Apparently about aliens. And a key component of this (mysteriously left out of the trailer) is that RIHANNA is supposed to be believable as a Naval officer.

There aren’t really words for that. And yet, will we be seeing this mess? Naturally.

Taylor Kitsch, we love you. Please make some movies that we don’t have to defend our decision to go see.

Related articles

• Taylor Kitsch Talks ‘All-Or-Nothing’ 2012 (mtv.com)
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Our First Web Series: “Aim High”

Web series are increasingly becoming a thing, but we have stayed away from them… up until now. Our obsession with “Friday Night Lights” has already been made clear, and will be made even clearer in future posts. Like many, we are sad about Friday Night Lights’ cancellation, but we have managed find solace in figuring out what projects the actors are in now. Our quest to figure out what Aimee Teegarden has been up to was what lead us to the world of web series, specifically “Aim High”, which tells the story of Nick Green (played by Jackson Rathbone) a high school student and under cover assassin for the U.S. Government. (Yes. We know how it sounds.)

So “Aim High”, as far as web series go, is pretty unique. For starters it is the first one that is on a social network, Facebook, and offers an opportunity to “personalize” the episodes for you. What is also different about it is its budget. While we have not done a lot of research into the specifics, the cast alone makes it seem legitimate: Aimee Teegarden (“Friday Night Lights”, Prom), Jackson Rathbone (Twilight series) and Clancy Brown (Voice of Mr. Krabs on “Spongebob Squarepants”). Additionally the action scenes are pretty good, considering its a web series they look kind of expensive. Between the cast and the ludicrous sounding plot line, we were intrigued and gave the show a shot. Here is the run down of what we thought:

Things We Liked:

• Length of Episodes: They are only 7-10 minutes long so you don’t have to feel guilty about watching them! We watched the whole six episode series in under an hour!
• Jackson Rathbone: As the lead, Nick Green, he is really funny and kind of adorable in this series! Why is he not more famous?
• Johnny Pemberton: This new young actor plays Nick’s dorky best friend, and he is great! While it is clear that he has done lots of other work, we hope this can be his break through role!
• Aimee Teegarden: Dude! We like her character in this a lot! She is the opposite of Julie from “Friday Night Lights” which is kind of fun to see her play!
• Personalized Episodes: So while it is kind of weird, it is still kind of cool to see how your name pops up in random places through out the episode. It takes some getting used to though, and there is always the option to watch the episodes normally.
• Humour: It was funny! And it does not take itself too seriously, which is always good.

 

Things We Didn’t Like:

• Getting on Facebook to Watch It: It is kind of a strange process. You do not actually have to be logged in to watch the show, but you still have to go to the show’s page on Facebook to watch it.
• Plot Holes: They are there.. and while they not big enough to discourage us from watching it, they are still there.
• Unclear When the Next Episodes Are Released: We can’t figure out when the show returns! It is not under the “Info” section of the Facebook page! We are so confused!

 

So, web series. We are not quite used to them yet, but we are interested to see where they end up going! If you are interested in this show, just go check it out! It will take you less than ten minutes to watch the first episode!

Related articles

• Jackson Rathbone’s web series ‘Aim High’ now online (examiner.com)
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Things We Love: Friday Night Lights

Yes, it’s not on the air anymore. Whatever, it’s still the best drama of the last five years so we’re talking about it no matter how you feel. Oh, you don’t care about football so you’ve never bothered with this show? We don’t want to hear about it. Friday Night Lights is so, so much more than football. It’s mostly about people. And relationships. And life, corny as that sounds. Seriously, just give it a shot. The football part is really not the main focus of the show-it’s just what lets the other plot points revolve around it. Regardless of how you feel about football at the beginning, you’ll be a Dillon Panther by the end of watching the series. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

Our 5 favorite Friday Night Lights Characters:

5. COACH ERIC TAYLOR (KYLE CHANDLER)
Coach Taylor is the center of the show and the father figure for many of the players on his team. He’s a fantastic dad, too–so great that if we didn’t love our own dads so much we’d want him to be ours. Also did we mention that Kyle Chandler won an Emmy for playing Coach? He did. That’s how good Coach Taylor is.

4. TYRA COLLETTE (ADRIANNE PALICKI)
Tyra has led a rough life and is tough in just about every way possible–but she’s also sarcastic, fiercely loyal, and smart as hell, aka our dream best friend. Adrianne Palicki is super super gorgeous, but Tyra comes off as simultaneously everyone’s dream girl and accessible enough to party with.

3. MATT SARACEN (ZACH GILFORD)
This nice-guy quarterback is the single most selfless high school student we have ever come across. (Seriously, no one like him went to our high school.) Matt takes care of his grandmother with dementia while his father is in Iraq without any other adult around to help. He works at a fast-food restaurant to help pay the bills and still brings home those Panther victories. Why aren’t we dating him??

2. TAMI TAYLOR (CONNIE BRITTON)
Role model. No joke. Tami Taylor is the best high school guidance counselor (and later principal) ever because she genuinely cares about every single person that she comes across. She is a fantastic wife and mom as well, even when her teenage daughter Julie is trying to pretend that she isn’t the greatest thing that’s ever happened. Tami always knows what’s best, and everyone else eventually comes to see it. As she tells Tim, “It’s part of my job, to make sure that you don’t grow up stupid. It’s bad for the world.” Tami is seriously the greatest, we are incapable of any sarcasm when it comes to her because it might distort how sincerely we love and adore her.

1. TIM RIGGINS (TAYLOR KITSCH)
First of all, please look at him. Yes indeed. That’s Tim Riggins. Tim Riggins gets himself in the worst scrapes, frequently because he’s drunk but even more frequently because people just expect him to be doing something terrible. Character flaws abound (like we said, kind of drunk a whole lot of the time) but underneath all of those terrible choices is a genuinely sweet guy who is mostly trying to do the right thing despite some really terrible circumstances. Also, he looks like that. Tim Riggins, everybody.

TEXAS FOREVER. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose! (Always bears repeating.)

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