So, as you all know, we love us some Nicki Minaj. Especially her crazy, fun videos and changing hair styles and looks. And, with the exception of “Stupid Hoe” (and the unmentionable song she did with Chris Brown) we really like her songs. Which is why when we heard the song “Turn Me On” on the radio we just had to go home and see if there was a music video. And there was. And it is simply…. indescribable.Now, before you watch this video, take a moment and imagine what you think it will be like. The song title is “Turn Me On” and since David Guetta is involved, you know it is a synthesized club dance hit. What do you expect in a video for a song like this? Dancing perhaps? Some hot people in sexy outfits at a club? Possibly even a cutesy romantic plot about a girl and a boy? If you imagined anything like the above, YOU ARE COMPLETELY WRONG. Just watch below.
WHAT WAS THAT? ALSDJHFSDLJKFSLDKJFS. We know, that was our first reaction as well. Initially we were just like, “Ugh. Gross. Creepy doll people. How is that supposed to be sexy? How does that turn anyone on? They don’t even have genitals!!! We don’t get it!!! AND NOW WE WILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THOSE WEIRD SIMS DOLL PEOPLE CHASING US!”
But then, we thought about it. In the music video they didn’t mean “Turn Me On” in a sexual way – they meant it literally. Nicki Minaj has an ON button like a robot! Nicki Minaj is a robot! And David Guetta is her maker! And we (like the rest of the world) just came to the wrong conclusions about the song lyrics because our minds are in the gutter! Well played, David and Nicki, well played. This music video helped us realize that this song is more than a dance hit that can easily be misconstrued as a song about having sexy times, it is a message from Nicki herself, telling us what she has being trying to tell us all along: she is a robot from outer space. Look at the body (hah!) of proof for this:
Proof that Nicki Minaj is a Robot From Outer Space
“Starships.” As we’ve previously pointed out, this was Nicki subtly trying to tell us the first time.
The Chesire-Cat / Steam Punk opening where we see Nicki’s disembodied lips on her partially complete robot body.
She is dressed in Victorian-type clothing because when she first came down from space, she was confused about what time period it was.
The lyrics are clearly a coded message, “Make me come alive, come on, and turn me on”. How Frankenstein-ish is that? Also, “Touch me, save my life, come on and turn me on.” You know who else touches people? E.T. That’s who. Just saying.
The proof is in the video ladies and gentlemen. We rest our case. And, even if you don’t believe us, we recommend you give it a chance. Keep an open mind. Because the message is just waiting there for you to unravel… kind of like those weird corn-field drawings from Signs…
Look, this may have been said over and over again, but we feel like we have to just come out and say it one more time. Chris Brown is kind of the worst and he needs to be stopped ASAP. Why do people support him? Why is BET nominating him for awards? Why did the Grammys let him perform? Why did Rihanna collaborate with him?
We’re not saying that people can’t change, but from Chris Brown’s behavior it seems pretty clear that he hasn’t. He continually states that he’s been victimized by the press when dealing with his brutal beating of Rihanna in 2009, when it would seem to others that THE ONLY PERSON WHO WAS VICTIMIZED WAS RIHANNA. Additionally, he has proven that he has rage issues by throwing a chair through a window on the set of Good Morning America. That is not what the average angry person does.
And yet, people keep collaborating with Chris Brown, so that he seems to be having a legitimate 2012 comeback. What??? A brief list of his recent projects:
1.) New album titled “Fortune” that is coming out in July, on this he has collaborations with Will.i.am, Big Sean, Fuego, Wiz Kalifa and many others. Almost all of his songs feature another artist with him and we are confused. Why are these people working with him??
2.) Think Like a Man.We actually loved this movie but audibly groaned every time that he came on screen. Everyone else in this movie is so awesome, why is he allowed in it??
3.) “Right By My Side,” the Nicki Minaj single he’s guesting on. Nicki. Really? You get one pass, and Stupid Hoe was it. You’re out of passes on misogynistic crap.
4.) “International Love” with Pitbull. Dude. Pitbull, you have fans all over the world and have done awesome collaborations with Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Lil Jon, Shakira, T-Pain and Ne-yo. You also had the balls to sue Lindsay Lohan back after she tried to sue you over your lyrics. Pitbull legitimately has been on the rise in the United States and is insanely popular in other parts of the world. Why did you do this?
5.) “Next To You” with Justin Bieber. BIEBER. Come on, Biebs. Literally all of your fans are young girls. At least pretend like you care about them/setting an example/not hanging out with guys who BEAT WOMEN.
Basically we are baffled as to why so many people in the entertainment business seem determined to not only forgive him, but support his work, when he has not issued a genuine apology or even really showed any sign of remorse. His behavior is not acceptable and in the entertainment business, you can’t really separate the person from the artist. There does seem to be a contingent of people who do not support him (Tina Fey, Miranda Lambert, John Legend, Chrissy Teigen and others) and we appreciate them! Why are more people not like them? But, most importantly and fortunately, Jay-Z is on our side. If you agree with Jay-Z you know you’re on the right team. Watch below for proof.
Nicki Minaj’s new video for “Starships” does not disappoint ya’ll. Everyone should watch this. Not only does it feature her most important asset quite prominently (you know what we are talking about) it also looks like everyone is having a good time filming this music video (rave).
“Starships” can’t really make up its mind on where it’s going, so it’s a little hard to describe the concept when it seems to change every thirty seconds. Here are some words that we thought described the video: TROPICAL, SPACE, RAVE, DANCE, BOWLER HAT, KALEIDOSCOPE. Right? None of this makes sense. But in Nicki’s world, it does.
Oh Nicki. Here are some of the most notable moments:
1.) Tribal dancers in red bowler hats. Clearly the highlight.
2.) The spaceship, no wait, STARSHIP opening. Nicki Minaj is indeed from outer space and made of stardust. We get to watch her get beamed down.
3.) The number of bikinis Nicki seems to have in this video. We counted at least 4. She was also a little uncomfortable in one of them–note in the white one towards the end that she keeps trying to hold it in place.
4.) KALEIDOSCOPE. KALEIDOSCOPE NICKI. It’s actually really strange but we couldn’t stop watching? It makes you imagine what the world would be like with 12 Nickis instead of just one.
5.) Nicki’s hair: so many colors.
While “Starships” is definitely not our favorite Nicki song ever, the video’s entertaining. We’re relieved that Nicki decided to just throw a party instead of trying to make the song deeper than it is. Nicki: embrace the shallow. It’s why we love you!
So Nicki Minaj, instead of taking all the goodwill she had from 2011 and making an epic girl power song, chose instead to make her first big release of 2012 “Stupid Hoe.” She had just made all of these awesome strides for women in Hip Hop and Rap, and then put out that gem of a song and music video. Now don’t get us wrong, we love Nicki. We really, really just don’t like this song. And if the dislike bar on YouTube is any indicator, not very many other people like it either. Here are all the problems we have with this video:
She opens with insulting Jennifer Aniston. NOT COOL.
The Lyrics. Seriously? “I piss on b*tches, you can suck my disnick, if you don’t like these disses, give my ass some kisses.” That is honestly horrifying. And it is a woman singing it!
Philosophical Question: If you are in lingerie, a blond wig, and crawling around in a cage on camera, can you call someone else a stupid hoe?
The number of times she says, “You a stupid hoe” and “F*ck stupid hoes.” We were just so uncomfortable. Is this a thing? Is it not apparent that this is kind of unacceptable?
The singing part where it seems like she is making fun of the Christina/Mariah/Alicia Keys/Beyonce type singers who actually put out songs that have lyrics that are not “stupid hoe”
Unclear if she is singing this about a specific stupid hoe, are is just bent on insulting all women in general. Way to have the most misogynistic song of 2012 so far be by a woman, Nicki.
Frankly this song is just a waste of her talents. Nicki Minaj really can rap… but she’s just saying “stupid hoe” over and over and over. This is not actually the way to get back at your haters, Nicki. The way to win is by ACTUALLY RAPPING WELL.
Please think about those little girls from the YouTube video singing “Super Bass” that went on Ellen listening to this song. Disturbed yet?
This song in general is just not what we expect from Nicki and is a disappointing way to start off 2012. Perhaps it is a sign that 2012 really is the end of the world… Nicki, prove us wrong and get back to rapping actual songs again.
In honor of the new year and the world’s impending doom in 2012, we have decided to wrap up 2011 with a reflection on some of our favorite things. Enjoy!
Best New TV Show: “Happy Endings” Guys, why are all of you not watching this yet? “Happy Endings” is seriously the funniest new comedy that we’ve seen on TV in years, and yet not nearly enough people have gotten on board yet. Make this show your new year’s resolution, because it consistently delivers the most laughs of any sitcom on TV right now. All six of the characters in the friend group are fully developed and managed not to become caricatures while still being insanely quirky. Also: Damon Wayans Jr. of the Wayans family comedy dynasty (also was Coach in the pilot of “New Girl” before “Happy Endings” got picked up for a second season) is in it. You guys! Guaranteed comedy gold! Get on this!
Best Returning TV Show: “Sons of Anarchy”
So, while critics may remain divided on how this season went, we most definitely bought every second of the fourth season of SOA. This show, while being about a criminal biker gang, is actually a character driven drama. And the character development this season was phenomenal. Jax and Tara, played by Charlie Hunnam and Maggie Siff, delivered amazing performances. Their growth as a couple was so believable, and their relationship really deepened and felt so, so real. Additionally, we finally learned more about both Clay and Gemma, and delving into Clay’s psychopathy was absolutely fascinating. Though the club is at its most dysfunctional point in the series, we feel like we know them all a little better. Also the Hamlet-esque plot that was kind of glossed over for a season or two reemerged with a vengeance. FINALLY.
Our Favorite Music Video: “The Lazy Song”
This is our favorite music video for being one of the most entertaining of the year without relying on anything high-concept or special effects. Instead, Bruno Mars and the Poreotics (the monkeys, and Season 5 winners of America’s Best Dance Crew) do a smart and simple dance that perfectly reflects the song. As ABDC Fans, we always appreciate it when we can see past winners being successful, and Poreotics was a perfect choice since they were a crew known for their sense of humor. Basically, we just really love this video, and it makes us want to be best friends with Bruno Mars. He just looks so chill and fun!!
Our Favorite Single of the Year: “Super Bass”
Like everyone else, we spent much of 2011 learning every single word to “Super Bass” and telling people, “somebody please tell him who the eff I is.” Without Nicki, how would we have ever known that was all we were supposed to say? Basically this song was the only thing we listened to in the car. Ever. Also Nicki Minaj single handedly made female rappers cool again. So thanks Nicki, for everything. We are so excited to see what you do in the future! Deuces y’all.
So Taran Kilam, a new featured performer on SNL, did this video at 4:30 a.m. in the writers’ room the week that Robyn came to perform on the show. He meticulously recreates the “Call Your Girlfriend” video, which you should really watch first to fully appreciate so that you can understand how perfectly he captures the spirit of Robyn’s video… because it’s perfect. In every way. Personal favorite: the guy who refuses to get into it, seen at the end.
Favorite Summer Movie: Bridesmaids
What even needs to be said? These ladies are all comedic geniuses, and we loved the relationship between Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph’s characters–it was great to see a movie centered around a female friendship that was simultaneously the funniest of the year. Also everyone thinks this movie is funny, we know guys and girls alike who both liked it. It was really the perfect summer blockbuster.
Favorite Oscar Contender: Hugo
We’ve already discussed this, but Hugo is a great film for movie lovers young and old. The Oscar race this year is a little lackluster, and we believe that this is the movie that manages to strike the best balance between entertainment, art, and heart. It is quality a quality film and great entertainment! It reminds everyone why we love cinema!
Favorite Movie That Should be an Oscar Contender: 50/50 Why was this not a bigger hit?? Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen were both fantastic (we thought 50/50 had both of their best performances to date). The movie was incredibly touching and we were fully invested in all of the characters. Also Anna Kendrick was in it. For those of you who don’t know, she is secretly the biggest star of the Twilight franchise. Even though she is only in like 5 minutes of the first movie, she soon after became a monster success, and proceeded to be one of our new favorite people to watch. She was so funny in this movie, and her relationship with Joseph Gordon-Levitt was so sweet and believable. Guys, just go see this movie. For real.
Favorite Feel-Good Movie: The Muppets
THIS MOVIE MAKES EVERYONE HAPPY. Seriously. EVERYONE. Go see it if you haven’t already. Also, Bret from Flight of the Conchords wrote the magnificent original songs, including “Life’s a Happy Song” and “Man or Muppet,” which is seriously one of the best songs to be featured in a movie in years. We love both the Muppets and Flight of the Conchords, so whoever thought of this collaboration was an absolute genius. Bret for Best Original Song Oscar!
What We’re Most Looking Forward to in 2012: The Hunger Games
We are absolutely obsessed with these books, and cannot wait for the first movie to come out! Jennifer Lawrence was fabulous in Winter’s Bone so we’re confident she can pull off Katniss, and the trailers that we’ve seen look amazing. We will definitely be seeing this at midnight of March 23, and we may or may not be counting down the days.
Thanks for reading us–we are really enjoying writing this so far. Feel free to let us know if you agree or disagree with our choices, and we’ll see you for more in 2012!
Ok. So, Willow Smith and Nicki Minaj made a song together. It is called Fireball. When we first heard of their collaboration, we were super excited because we LOVE them!!!! Willow Smith is so super fierce for an 11 year old, and Nicki Minaj’s Super Bass was pretty much the biggest song of the year. Sadly, the duet itself was a little underwhelming. We love both of them, but the song itself is just not one of our favorites… the music video on the other hand is actually a lot of fun! And reminds us why we were so excited to see them collaborate in the first place. The video is below, but we have the highlights / favorite moments at the bottom if you need a little convincing to watch the video in full. Or if you just want to skip around while you watch it, the song itself is pretty repetitive. To sum up the lyrics for you briefly: Willow Smith and Nicki Minaj are the fireballs of the party.
Highlights:
The Star Wars opening 0.00-0.29 / Nicki Minaj and Willow’s arrival to earth in the form of a fireball… or perhaps as two separate fireballs? Unclear.
Willow’s sweet hat / head dress/ Lady Gaga like head piece at 0.57
OMG the dancing!!! HOW DO THEY MOVE THEIR FEET THAT FAST??? (1.08)
Dance scene in the streets! We are always ok with this! (1.44, but also kind of the whole video)
That weird tiger top coat thing that one of the background dancers has on at 2.12, look to the left of Willow, you won’t be disappointed
HULA HOOP BREAK DANCING at 2.20
The part where Nicki Minaj says that she will put Willow under her wing!!! Willow is like baby Nicki! We hope they form the best mentorship relationship ever and produce more things together in the future! (3.13)
From 3.13 on the rest of the music video is pretty repetitive, but hey, everybody likes dancing!
Aaaaaaaand finally the very end part where Willow puts her fist up YEAH! (4.54)
Basically, we love both of these ladies and while this particular song is not going to make it onto our iPods any time soon, we hope they work together more in the future!
pop judgment 